THE SCHOOLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC

The silence is deafening except for my son who is in the second grade singing club and is singing the 12 Days of Thanksgiving. They are remaking the Sound of Music into a live show, I'm really afraid. So far, no bad news from the school. No midday day phone calls to pick up my child. No emergency CSE meetings. No stomach aches. Is silence a good thing? Could it be I am in a Silent Movie or will I need to Silent Run. Maybe it is the Silence of the Lambs. Yes, it is too quiet. Something must be wrong or I have been watching too many movies. I haven't seen a non-animated movie since my daughter was born 12 years ago, which makes me unable to reference any movie made post-2001 that doesn't star either a princess or talking animals.  So, for now, All Quiet on the Western Front for the Quiet Man so let's Pillow Talk tomorrow when the kids have thoroughly gorged themselves on Halloween candy.

HOMEWORK ESP

Is that grade accurate and where is the homework? When I watch all the kids coming home from school, their bags are full. They and their parents complain there is no time because their child has so much homework. My child that is in the inclusion class comes home with very little homework. Now, I did ask that her homework should be modified but how do I know if my child is getting work at or near grade level? When she takes a test, is it marked on an IEP curve? It is a question that many parents with children that have IEP's ask. You try to gage where your child is on the curve as you  move closer to the thought of if and when your child will get a high school diploma. Will she be able to pass the regents. Those tests are not so far away anymore. How can I know if she will be ready?

So, when things get too stressful, I watch old movies. Does Ghostbusthers count as an old movie, or am I just getting old? Is that a gray hair?! My gray hair worries: tests, graduation, passing, failing, grading, college, no college, independence, codependence, interdependence, dependence. I wish I could see into the future.......

Janine Melnitz: Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?

Winston Zeddemore: Ah, if there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say.

TESTIMONY

I became a graduate from the Partners on Policy Making Class, 2013. To graduate, I needed to present testimony. This is my testimony on disability education (slightly edited).

My name is MS and I am so glad that you are here to share this special day with me, because today is my birthday. And, because it is my birthday, I will be able to make a wish tonight when I blow out my candles. I know we are supposed to keep our birthday wishes secret, but I am going to make a special exception and share my birthday wish with all of you.

Before I make my wish, I am going to tell you a story.

Back in September, I was sitting on the playground watching my son play while chatting with the other moms. We were taking part in the September ritual of comparing our children's new teachers. My child had been given the teacher with the mean reputation.  The mom next to me said the only thing that was important to her was that her children not be put in the inclusion class. I nodded, and asked her more about why she made this choice. She said she didn't want her children to think that they might become like "one of them."  I thought about my own "one of them's". My lovely, daughter who has ADHD and Dyslexia. We were so happy to have her in inclusion. In fact, that was our aspiration. But, over the years, I have met many of these moms and dads that fear being near my child and children with disabilities. These are not moms and dads that are uneducated, racist or mean, just uninformed and inexperienced. They believe that if their child is near my child, their child might catch her disease or be hurt by her. I have heard it all since no one would ever know by looking at my daughter that she has a disability. I have been told the class will go slower if children with disabilities are placed with typical kids. I have been told that the children with disabilities will bully the typical kids. I have been told that the teachers won't pay attention to the typical children because they will need to pay attention to all those kids with special needs.

Can I tell this mom that approximately 12 percent of kids in the school have IEP's and it is very likely her child is playing with "one of those" right now? Can I tell her that her children may not need inclusion now, but in the future, she may find herself in a different set of circumstances? Can I tell her that Michael Phelps, Chuck Close, Steven Spielberg and Whoopi Goldberg all have either learning, mobility or developmental disabilities and are open about their struggles. Yes, I can say all of this, but I am only reaching one person.

I am here to advocate for the mandated teaching of disability history, including programs that demystify what it means to have and live with a disability. Every school should have curriculum devoted to the history of disability and the day-to-day reality of living with a disability. They should have curriculum that teaches respect for all people including those with different abilities. They should have a curriculum that discusses inclusion in school, in work and in the community. We have come a long way in our country in moving towards a more equal society. But, it seems that equality for those of differing abilities is lagging behind the progress of other groups looking for respect and equality. We have disability law, to make those laws effective, we need disability education.

So, let me tell you my birthday wish. I want everyone here. I want everyone in my town and state to recognize my daughter as an equal member of our society. I want her neighbors to see her as a young lady, not a child to be feared. I want moms and dads around the state to want their children to be in the classroom with my daughter and with all children that enhance our world with their different abilities. I want a mom to come up to me and say, I want my child in the inclusion class. I want my child to sit next to your child. I want my child to learn from your child. My child has so much to offer.

So, let's educate, let’s inspire, let's bring the message to our schools, Teach us. Teach us to understand and respect all people that share this earth.  Let us all be part of the same community.

I want to thank everyone that has come here today to share my birthday. Please, make my wish come true. Because if my wish comes true, my daughters wish comes true. The wishes of many families come true. Everyday, someone with a disability has a birthday and someone without a disability has a birthday. Already, they have something in common.

MADE IN CHINA

I couldn't tell if I was safe or in danger with all those Power Rangers, Witches, Ninjas,  and lots and lots of fairies at the pre-halloween fall festival. Fun for the kids, but there was no candy! Absolutely, no candy. What has halloween come to, when we can't have candy? I look forward to raiding my kids halloween bags to see what treats I can take when no one is looking. Instead we are stuck with all kinds of plastic toys just waiting to fill up landfills everywhere. I would rather have my kid have a little candy then take home all those throwaway toys. At least candy is biodegradable.

Well, there is still the real Halloween to come. Lots of nut free, sugar free, fun free candy waiting for me. Come to my house, we will have only the good candy. Nothing made in China, I promise.

IT WAS BEAUTY THAT REJECTED THE BEAST

Rejection is integral to all of our lives. Perhaps we are rejected in love or rejected in work. We might be rejected by friends, family, by a coop board, a college, our religion, by a school. I'm amazed by how many forms of rejection exist. So, how do we move forward when faced with this ever present possibility?

Faye Ray rejected King Kong. Perhaps, she was right to reject him. There might have been some anger and control issues that would have made the relationship difficult. Perhaps he only cared for her because of her good looks. "It was beauty that killed the beast." King Kong climbed to the top of the Empire State Building only to fall off to his sad end. Just think of how much rejection has gone in inside the Empire State building during this time of high unemployment. King Kong would have found much company today on his way down. My father told me he once worked in the Empire State Building, what he didn't tell me (and what parent would?) was how much rejection life would hold.

I work to make my children's life better, but I won't be able to save them from rejection. I work to make my life better, but I picked a field just brimming with rejection (or, at least that has been my experience). So how do you go on? How do you make the world a positive place for yourself and your children? Perhaps, we should all avoid movies like King Kong, or perhaps we should watch King Kong, Bridget Jones Diary, Kramer vs. Kramer, or any Jane Austen movie...

STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

It's past 9:00, all children are still awake and I promised myself to post to the blog every school night during the year. Does that make me:

a. Tired
b. Crazy
c. Hate myself every time I look at a clock
d. All of the above

Maybe there is something about growing up in Queens, NY that leaves some of us unhinged (or if not unhinged, at least artsy which automatically makes you unhinged): Christopher Walken, Donald Trump, Johnny and Joey Ramone, Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel. Maybe that is why I miss Queens so much. Perhaps there is something about that underappreciated borough that breeds a compulsively artistic or unhinged type. All of us at some point need to wash off the Archie Bunker stereotype (and, yes, Carroll O'Connor spent much of his childhood in Queens). Now, Queens is getting a little more respect and I'm now out on Long Island complaining about the food, the schools, the drivers, the boredom....ever restless and ever crazy even after all these years.

UP YOUR NOSE WITH A RUBBER HOSE

My son does not exist. Well, according to the list of students the school just sent out, my son does not exist. One of the few nice things that happens in my suburb is that the elementary school sends out a class list with the child's name and parent contact information. That makes it easy to make play dates or invite kids to a party. Last year, my son did not appear on the list. I chalked it up to being new and didn't worry about it. However, this year he is not on the list again. I called the school to tell them, but of course, I was told I must not have filled out the paperwork. I thought they would care that a child was missing from the list. No, they didn't care. I was told that perhaps they might be able to fix my son's class list, but there would not be a new list sent out. It wasn't even a hard copy, but an email! I didn't press too hard. You can't make someone care that your child won't be invited to parties and miss out on play dates. We expect so much from our teachers and schools. So many of us grew up watching TV shows like The Facts of Life and Welcome Back, Kotter. All those caring teachers that populate TV. Although, today those Sweathogs would be in special education instead of remedial education. How could any real person or institution ever live up to fabulous 70s entertainment and fashion?

I remember when my daughter graduated from 2nd grade there was a celebration, even caps and gowns! I happened to be visiting the school before the ceremony and looked at the graduation list. My daughter's name was missing. It was missing because all of the kids in the special education program were missing. I told the principal. She was very apologetic and the list was changed. I remember her kindness in changing the list, but I also remember her oversight in having all the special education children missing.

Lists are important. Belonging is important. At least, I thought it was or maybe it is just: Up your nose with a rubber hose.

30-LOVE CHEERLEADERS?

No, my daughter will never play tennis like Serena Williams. But, she is on the tennis team and today she made one of those unsportsmanlike choices. When faced with the conflict of a game or swim lesson, my daughter choose the swim lesson, leaving her doubles partner sans partner. I got irritable with my daughter because I couldn't decide if I should tell her she should go to tennis since she is committed to the team, or go to swimming as I have committed my unrefundable money to the class that is unmakeupable. I never had any strong commitment to sports, but out in the suburbs, sports are everywhere. Everywhere I look, kids are massing in large numbers chasing after some kind of ball. Tiny 6 year old cheerleaders roam the schools in their tiny cheerleading outfits. Even at that young age, those cheerleaders make me nervous. Are they already in popularity training, practicing rejecting those that are less peppy and coordinated? I was never a cheerleader, and I'm pretty sure I tried out and was rejected. There are only eight children on the Junior High Girls Tennis team, so my daughter's absence probably did cause a forfeited game. But, there must have been hundreds of those mini cheerleaders circling the football field this past weekend. Why are there no tennis cheerleaders?

A FOND REMEMBERENCE OF A CROOK

The government is open again and for the first time in over a year, I am watching the PBS News Hour. My son is ruining his eyes and brain playing computer video games while my daughter is out at the YMCA. Such a quiet house! Some parents look forward to a night out, perhaps a move or dinner. But, I'm happy to watch the News Hour. All those talking heads sound so despondent. The government may be open again, but what is left of our government? I was brought up talking politics and watching the News Hour reminds me of my parents, now dead. Talking politics was in my family's DNA. Politics and Education. My father went to a big city school in Brooklyn that graduated future Nobel prize winners. Yet, he was so happy that I was moving my children out to the suburbs to a school that has graduated no Nobel prize winners. Does the school really matter? Does the government really matter? It seems that to be able to succeed today you need to know how to function under dysfunction. While I was cleaning out my father's papers, I came across the one New York Times newspaper that he kept. It was not the moon landing or the Kennedy assassination, but the resignation of President Nixon. Watergate seems almost quaint today. What I wouldn't do for just a little hotel break in just as long as the hotel has a pool and room service (a functioning pool and room service).

WHICH ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER?

I was singing that classic Sesame Street song to myself today...

One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?


I was thinking about one of the many rejections I have taken during my art career. Despondent about my most recent rejection, I looked to see who I might know among the acceptances. Too many. I knew nearly half of all the acceptances to a show that rejected me. When I saw the names, I knew what all the acceptances had in common: they knew each other and they knew the curator. Ah, that is art. A world of "who you know" and a world that likes to say it is non conformist and takes chances on the unknown, but time and time again proves otherwise. Sour grapes, yes. But, grapes are often sour. 

BABIES THAT BULLY

All of us remember bullies. Most of us were at some point bullied. I know adults that bully. Kids can bully. Teachers can bully. Bosses can bully. On the playground I have had other parents chastise me about not watching my misbehaving child. Why are they so comfortable chastising me? That, too, is bullying. This never happens to my quite tall husband. His height and his sex has inoculated him from some of the day to day bullying. Since, I am small, I feel it more readily. I never go to a school meeting without him, because I know that everyone will listen and respect what he says, while, alone, I will need to fight harder to be heard. Is it size? Is it sex? Why do some people feel they have the power to belittle others? Both my kids are having trouble in school with bullies. It is a form of power. Bullying is not just physically hurting someone or calling them names, but the intention of making someone feel powerless. We start off in school bullying, then we go off into the adult world still bullying. What are we supposed to tell our kids?

LATE NIGHT WRITERS BLOCK

Now that we have moved my son to a different teacher, I feel I have lost a great source of subjects to write about on this blog. My muse is no more. No more traffic lights or bunny chairs. So far, so good with both kids. Now, like my son, I have a case of writers block. However, as I worry less about my kids, I am able to turn my attention back to making my artwork. But, what will I write about? On the one hand, I really need something to happen in school, on the other hand, I really dread anything happening at school. I feel empathy for all those late night comedians that were so happy to have President Obama elected, yet so dissappointed to lose all that potentional material given to them by Bush, Clinton, Bush, Reagan, Carter, Ford, Nixon.....So, now, if my kids are fine, I will need to turn my attention to my own work. That is not funny. I'll never be elected now.

DR. WHO IS DRIVING MY CAR?

There was never any time to ask the kids about school today as I participated in the suburban ritual of chauffeuring my children from activity to activity. I picked up my son at school at 3:00, staying in the playground for one hour, then drove to the next playground that is next to the tennis courts to pick up my daughter from tennis. Then we went home. In less then an hour I made dinner, we ate dinner and we were out the door for the next activity. After that class, I took my daughter to the YMCA for pre-teen night, and then drove my son to the Boy Scouts (pack meeting, as he is a wolf). There he raced around with a potato and got wrapped up like a mummy. We then left to pick up my daughter at the YMCA. After shooting a few hoops, we left to pick up my husband at the train as he was returning from Comic Con. He brought me back a pair of Dr. Who earrings. Between us, I don't even like Dr. Who. I find those Daleks just too darn annoying. But, I could use some time travel right now. If I wear those Tardis earings, maybe a doctor will come save me and bring me to a planet where I get to fight evil while sitting under an umbrella, drinking margaritas by the beach. 

BLUTO SAYS 2BZ4UQT

Remember Junior High Lunch? We sat their carefully choosing our food in fear of what might get stuck to our braces. Now, no one needs to worry about that anymore because none of the kids are looking up. They are all texting! Now you don't have to risk embarrassment since no one is looking at you. It turns out that our little suburb allows kids to take out their electronics at lunch and it turns out that they all have electronics and it turns out they all have better electronics then me. Now they can sit right across from each other, text a silly remark and nobody is the wiser. A quiet room filled with the sound of electronic beeps and plastic trays, but not the sound of voices. A perfect place for the subtle kind of bullying that happens when you don't have to say something out loud. Just a quick text to a friend about another child, a shared snicker and nobody is the wiser. Why are electronics allowed at lunch? I guess it is better than a food fight, or is it?

NO DOGS OR PARENTS ALLOWED

Before we moved to Long Island, and when we had our children in a big, neighborhood public school, we were always irritated with how little connection we had with the school. We were let in for a few special occasions, but the loudspeaker would come on, warning all of us that it was time to go! At the end of the day, we stood outside the school building while the teachers would march the approximately 1500 K-5 students around the building. When we eyed our child, we would frantically wave to retrieve them for fear that we would miss them and they would be marched into the cafeteria.

For the one year we were at a Charter School, there was a much more open door policy. I could go at any time and eat breakfast or lunch with my child. I could look through the glass on the classroom door just to get a peak. What a comfort that was.

Now that we are in the burbs, it was to my great surprise that there is no actual policy for viewing a class. So, if you have a teacher that doesn't like to invite parents to events, you may never see your child in the classroom. If you ask to view the class, you can be refused. Even in NYC there is a policy to view your child in the class as long as you give written notice. But, here, nothing. Absolute shock! So, why do these parents in my suburban town put up with this! This is your child you are entrusting all day to a system that has no policy about visiting a classroom. 

One of the more pathetic excuses I hear is that it is to protect the privacy of the children. This is public school! Public! We are the Public! Perhaps, they should not allow our children to put on plays in which they invite us, the PUBLIC! Another excuse I hear is that it will disrupt the class. Now, as any parent knows, there isn't much time in the day. If you want to go observe the class, there is usually a reason, like you are being told your child is disrupting the class, wouldn't they want the parent's input?! And, most importantly, I remember the glow on my child's face when I was able to visit. It showed them, I was a part of their day and I cared.

I really have no way to explain this, except to say, that if teachers are feeling under attack these days, not building a relationship with the parent and having the power to not let a parent view a classroom is only going to build on the growing distrust. It is sad for all of us, as all of us want the same thing, a good and caring education for our child. Most teachers are parents too. But, with doors closed, communication is closed. All schools should emulate NYC (Yes, I said emulate NYC) and have a written, understood policy about visiting the classroom. I promise, if I am allowed in, I won't bring any peanuts or dogs.

THE FINAL RESTORATION, THE LAST SUPPER

We have restored order in our household. My son's class has been changed. My daughter is managing the change in her schedule to all inclusion classes. My concentration was better at my art studio. Will this mean, I can now rest and be assured that the rest of the year will be all sweet and rosy? Can I begin to focus on making my own artwork again? Or, like the restoration of Leonardo Da Vinci's painting, "The Last Supper", will there be controversy? My son is still refusing to write at school and complained that another child called him annoying. My daughter tells me she is being secretly poked by another girl. It really never ends. We try to make things better for our children, but like the restoration of "The Last Supper", it can go on for years, be a lot of hard work, and yet, not please everyone.

AWOL AT SCHOOL

My son was moved into a different class today. I feel guilty. He is happy, yet I feel bad. I feel like we have abandoned our platoon. The other kids and parents remain at battle with their red, yellow and green cards. When the shelling begins, they place their heads on the desk. My son is no longer fighting close to enemy lines, but quietly (well, I can't really say quietly) sipping chocolate milk in the safety of another class. Would the original G.I. Joe, mint in box have abandoned his friends like this? Would G.I. Joe have fought to have his son moved into a more pleasant class or told him to take it, a little yelling and hard work will make you stronger? I do believe original G.I. Joe would have remained behind with his troops. But, I never did like G.I. Joe, I was always more partial to Ken.

A TRIP FOR PARIS

Paris, our hamster is laying lifeless in her cage. We have done all we can to help her, so now we will just wait and hope for the best. I called an emergency veterinarian that specializes in small animals. Should we take her in for a consult that costs $120.00 not including diagnostic tests or treatment? We once took in our Guinea Pig, Bacon.  It turned out she was dehydrated. The gave her some water, but she still did not hang on much longer.

How attached we get to these small animals, but never at the right time. My children were so excited to get Paris, but once we had Paris all of us almost completely ignored her except my husband who cleaned her cage. Now we are in a state of sadness and guilt. How long had she been laying there. Did we give her a good life? Will there be a miracle, and we will find her going around as usual on her wheel so loudly we can't hear the TV. In honor or Paris, I will not post about school today except to say everyone had a good day except for Paris.

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY

My son says that school is all work and no play, will that make him a dull boy? I was trying to work in my studio today, but just didn't have the concentration so I took a stroll down my old street in Astoria, Queens.

Such a big city, yet it felt like a small town. I couldn't walk a few feet down the street without someone stopping me to say hello and asking me how I was doing on Long Island? "It's better for the kids, right" said my old neighbors. "It's better for the kids, right" said the old man that always sat on the stoop. "It's better for the kids, right" said the mom that always walked up and down the street holding tightly to her young daughter. I shrugged my shoulders. What could I say. Is it better? I will need to wait for my children to grow up and tell me as I watch them pack there bags and move to faraway places.

My daughter has encountered her arch enemy in her new inclusion classes. This girl spent last year kicking and making fun of my daughter (and other kids too). I think I need a new job to take my mind of all my children's troubles. Perhaps, there is an opening at the Overlook Hotel. All work and no play makes this blogger a dull girl.

STOPGO, A.K.A. EXPERIMENT 102

"Stopgo, A.K.A. Experiment 102, is an illegal genetic experiment. He is designed to cause traffic jams." I suppose, you might call my son, my own genetic experiement. Unlike Stopgo, I did not design him to wreak havoc, nor is he a cartoon. But don't all 7 year old boys wreck havoc? That is a question I have now that my son's classroom has an electronic traffic light that unlike Stopgo is supposed to control trouble, not make trouble. This classroom stoplight makes noise when the class gets noisy. My son says he can't work because the noise from the traffic light is distracting. Trying to control noise, with noise! Sounds like the perfect experiment!

Ah, but let us move on from the pleasures of thinking about "Lilo and Stitch" and turn my attention to my daughter. Three days in inclusion for my daughter and she has a sore throat. Is it real, or is it the pressure of her new classes? So strange, when I started this blog, I thought I would mostly be writing about her time at school. Advocating for a child with special needs through the school system has been a harrowing experience, yet, this year my son is the one suffering. She is probably thankful for me having turned my attention from her to him. Now, she won't have to tell me I worry too much! And, she is right! So, now I am going out to cross the street against the light just to see if I get in trouble.

LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL OR TAKE YOUR STINKING PAWS OFF ME, YOU DAMNED DIRTY APE!

Because of government shutdown, I have put aside any joking, and will move forward (unlike the government) with a more serious post today. As a reminder, the Statue of Liberty is now closed.

Teachers are thrust upon us and unlike a babysitter that we hire, we are stuck with them. This is the case with my son's teacher. I did not choose her and he does not like being in her class, I don't like him being in her class, But the principal won't change his class. Perhaps, in a different school district, his class would be changed simply on request. But, that is not the case in my small, Long Island town.

Am I a spoiled middle class mother that feels entitled to a good and kind education for my child? It is so painful to know that your child is suffering. All children in the United States are entitled to a free, public education. Why do we accept "mean" teachers. Is it OK to be mean, if they get "results"? Does it build character? Does it make our child more resilent? And, finally what does it mean to be entitled? ENTITLED - a powerful word. And, on this day of government shutdown, it is important to remember the word entitlement includes Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, Food Stamps and, also, Public Education. As someone who pays my taxes, but am not rich enough to choose private school, I am reliant on the entitlement of public education. Does that also mean I must accept the suffering of my child in order to receive that entitlement?

You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you? God damn you all to hell!